A Global Pandemic.

Since my entry, a month ago, COVID-19 has drastically spread throughout the world, becoming one of the scariest experiences in my adult life. I remember when 9/11 happened. I could tell you exactly where I was and the emotions that came with it. But I was in seventh grade and honestly, I couldn’t tell you how I felt because I don’t think I understood the horror of the situation until later in life. I also remember the recession in 2008. I was at MSU during undergrad, had roommates, and was living paycheck to paycheck, as most 19-year-old college students do. So even then, I didn’t feel as emotionally connected to the events happening in the country.

Today, I sit here in Canada (not my home country), a week away from my 31st birthday, doing what I can to stay away from other people as the world is infected with the spread of a virus. Yeah, I will remember these emotions for the rest of my life. There’s no doubt about it. I will tell my future children, who will likely study this is history class, how not only did their parents take a big risk and uproot their entire lives to live in another country, so their dad could further his career, but we weren't allowed to go home and see our family and friends. We were told we shouldn't even be around the people we just started to be friends with in our new city. We had to rely on each other to make smart decisions and keep our spirits high. I've honestly never been more thankful for technology in my entire life and have embraced video chat with family and friends to help cope with the anxiety that homesickness has brought on.

You all know we love to travel and we love to be outdoors. Luckily, before travel bans and shelters in place, I was able to travel to San Diego with one of my best friends, and colleague, Elise. It was exactly what I needed after a couple of months in Canda, feeling a bit alone and VERY cold. Seriously, it is unreal how cold it gets here in the winter. Thank the Lord for the sun. San Diego was so beautiful! Our Air BnB was within walking distance of the beach and we had 80-degree weather for the first couple days so I came back with a nice tan—which is now nonexistent. We had some well-needed girl time which included bar hopping and binge-watching "Love Is Blind" on Netflix. Yeah, it was amazing! While I was there, I also had the chance to get lunch with James's great aunt and uncle who live there during the winter and his grandma happened to be in town at the same time. It felt so nice to be able to see family for the first time in months!

As soon as I got back from San Diego, things started to shift. The COVID-19 conversations started getting more frequent and I had to cancel my work trip home at the end of March. I rebooked a personal trip anyways because James had a flight booked and I wanted to be home for my birthday as well as my nephews' birthdays, which we planned to celebrate next weekend. Over the following week, James and I kept talking about our trip. As the conversations around self-isolation grew, we were super hesitant to make the trip because we didn't know what restrictions would be put in place and he HAD to get back for work. Ultimately, further travel restrictions and the closing of the U.S./Canada border to non-essential travel is what put a stop to our plans. We feel good about getting back to the states if we need to but there's no guarantee we'd get back and we can't chance it. I also didn't feel good about potentially catching something on the plane that I'd pass on to my sister who has a compromised immune system or any of my grandparents. It was a hard decision, but the right one, to stay put in Calgary.

So that brings me to another point in my thought process over the last two weeks. James and I are truly feeling alone here. I know everyone is feeling alone in certain ways as we hunker down in our homes but we said our in-person goodbyes to family and friends three months ago, knowing we could easily fly back when we wanted to. Now, we have no idea when we'll be able to get back home and it has ripped my heart in two. All of my life, most of my family and friends have been within driving distance so this is new to me. I know that there are people out there who know exactly what I'm feeling and what we're going through. If you are reading this, please feel free to reach out! Any advice as we navigate through this would be amazing. I also know that a lot of people have no idea what James and I are feeling right now and we've been feeling this way for a few weeks, so having to cancel our trip home didn't make it any better. I do appreciate the support we have received from James's colleagues and their spouses. At his level and above, you're among others who have moved many times with the company and remember the feeling of making the first move away from family and friends. It's an interesting concept but I'm thankful we have people we can lean on, once we can all hang out again...

Work has changed for both of us. James is seeing downsizing while I'm seeing a complete change in the way we're communicating. I believe we have (almost) mastered the art of pivoting and channel our inner Ross Geller as we make moves. I had a hard time last week adjusting but told my self on Monday that it's all hands on deck and some projects and tasks just had to be put on hold and I had to be ok with it. By the end of the day yesterday, my brain was completely fried, but I knew I did everything I could to help the team and we have to take it day by day and do what we can to keep spirits high. My favorite part of this week was video chats with friends at work when we didn't actually talk about work or just had mini venting sessions. We all needed it!

Now that the last couple weeks have come and gone and we're continuing to find that balance between taking care of ourselves but also coming together as a community, I've been able to truly reflect on the events of the world. I wish I didn't pay as much attention to social media as I do buuuuut I can't help it and I want to stay informed. What I'm taking away from it all is how much I love and miss my family and friends. Whether they're in Michigan, Florida, Texas, New York or California, picking up the phone to call or video chat MUST be a weekly thing for me. I need to stay connected to my loved ones to get through this. I also realize that people are going through way worse days than we are. James and I both have a job and we're able to buy food and necessities for ourselves and the dogs. We're going to be ok. We both also know how important our mental health is, which is why I'm continuing to practice yoga at home and we're getting out to the mountains when the weather lets us—social distancing at all times.

Lastly, I cannot thank the first responders and those in the medical field enough for staying strong and going into work every day. I have both friends and family who work in these roles and I know it is NOT easy and it can be dangerous. They don't get to do their work from home and they don't get to self isolate like a lot of us do. They're in it and exposed to it. They also have to professionally handle people who get mad when they're turned down for testing or TRY TO STEAL MASKS. Yeah, that's a thing. So THANK YOU!

I've felt a lot of emotions the last couple of months which have spiked over the last couple weeks but my self-reflection has allowed me to be ok with where we're at and to be prepared for anything. I'm thankful to have such a solid relationship with James and I feel the love and support from everyone back home. I thank you all for reaching out and checking in! It has meant the world to us. We miss you.

I'll leave you with this. I participated in a yoga workshop the other week at my co-working space and they had us go around the room to introduce ourselves and say what we loved about ourselves. I said that I love my resilience. I still feel this way, and I know my resilience will get me through this hard time and I'll be a better human because of it.

xo, Stef